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long walk on a lazy saturday morning
companionable silence, flecked with the
occasional comment, observation
mostly silence, each of us in our own space
always, as always, filled up with each other

as we walk an eagle magically soars
above our heads, we take it in,
as we absorb the view, the ocean
the peace we feel inside

as we sit and linger at the end of the walk
on a large red rock
i ask you to put out into the universe
my desire
for a single eagle feather
because you understand my desires
and because you are magical yourself
you do

we reluctantly leave the rock and it’s view
and on those last steps to home
there it is, like a gift from the eagle herself
a feather so beautiful it takes our breath away

It’s a pretty amazing experience what we are doing in many ways. I personally thought that it would be all wine and roses, we wanted it so bad, and could envision how it looked… a dream that so many people would never get the chance to experience.

The biggest shock was that it didn’t look like wine and roses for a time. It was hard, challenging and frustrating.

There were certianly many moments in each day which were good, even great, but as many that sucked. It was hard to get my head around that’s how the dream looked.

I could see in deb that she wasn’t happy, wasn’t enjoying, and that made me even more fearful, and less willing to look at my own uncertianty… after all who was going to be the cheerleader?

Fortunatly, each day of the last few weeks brings with it sunshine (despite the gale force winds!)… and a true happiness and peace with how it is, the reality of what it truly looks like. Real Life.

I can now see it in her eyes, in her step, and i can now feel it in myself every day, all day. We both take time each day to express it. We are both in a truly happy, happy place.

This experience is an amazing one, one where we get to grow together, count on each other, and enjoy together.  The hard parts break you down, show your weakest sides… but then that all adds to the strenght of who we are, what we can still become.

text from my #2 wild boy child yesterday… just the words a mama loves to read:

went to court today. not guilty

As we headed off in the trailer and all the bins were piling up inside, i debated about the bin of art supplies i had carefully packed. We were being overwhelmed with “stuff”, and there i was adding fluff to it.

Thankfully deb encouraged me to keep it, so in it went.

Now that we are getting settled, a hankering to create is coming over me again. So I’ve pulled out my beading box as a start.  The last few evenings i’ve done a couple of things to add to the collection. Lately i’m addicted to leather and metals, and a fairly monochromatic scheme. I updated my kimizone site to include a gallery of it. (not that there’s a tonne of it, but ya know!).

(note in the one below, i didn’t make the ring at the end, it was a ring i bought in San Francisco that i loved, but somehow never wore as a ring)

Having time/energy issues and this blog has taken the brunt. It’s been a busy and trying few weeks on our journey, not sure either of us was prepared for other than riding off into the sunset happily ever after! 

Feeling way more myself after a week or more of downtime, and now feeling like the riding off into the sunset part is beginning. No regrets about the decision, more the opposite… it’s more that it’s been harder than i had imagined. There is so much learning to do, so much still in dis-array, that it’s hard to find my beat in it.

After the stress of organizing it all, it’s also been hard to find that beat of living in the moment. Think i found it back this weekend. Looking forward to PEI, but at the same time enjoying the days we have here in montreal.

A few lovely lazy mornings in bed connecting helping the overall equation!

We had a mr kitty update over the weekend, which was good. He’s doing well in his new forever home, they really love him and totally get his big personality. He’s settled in with his new pet sisters/brothers now, and actually sleeps with their cat… which is hard to imagine from the cat bully of the neighborhood. It did my heart good to know all is well with him, was so hard to let him go.

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One of the hardest steps in the process to our airstream dream was we had to find a new home for mr kitty.

Taking him isn’t an option, he’s too much a wanderer, can’t imagine how to contain that when we aren’t in a fixed spot. Though my youngest would have kept him, we both decided downtown apartment life wasn’t a good option for him. 

I’m not a huge cat fan, but mr kitty captured my heart big time. Feeling rather sad this morning missing him biting my face to get me out of bed.

He was a cat with a huge character, more dog than cat (probably why he captured my heart). He use to come on walks with us, and has a million mr kitty stories to his name.

One of my favorite mr kitty stories is about him and jaynie.  The january before last i had the opportunity to adopt a rescue dane. She turned out to be quite vicious, so we ended up giving her back, but not before mr kitty had at her.

She had a thing for him,  i was trying to ease them both into a happy relationship, but when i was out of the house i would close him off in the basement for his own safety. Mr kitty doesn’t take being confined lightly, so was generally pissed off.

One night, after i had been out, i released him from the confines of the basement and went off to bed. Jaynie was at the bedside sleeping, all was dark. Suddenly i heard rather loud steps… stomp stomp stomp…  then all hell broke loose. Nightside table went a flying, dog was yelping, i could hear cat screaming. Mr kitty had actually decided to take matters into his own hands and deal with this 110 lb dog in his own way… a NIGHTIME AMBUSH…. YEEE HA!

The dog went flying out the room, and was huddled against the patio door in the office, desperatly trying to escape this mad cat who insisted on jumping on top of her with all nails flared.

Post that night, jaynie was under his spell, and she never tested him again.

mr kitty (or as dylan calls him, cat norris) ruled the roost with an iron fist, but a soft heart, and i for one will miss him dearly.

As you can tell by the lack of posting, we are careening towards moving day, and still have millions of things to do. Every day brings challenges on top of the list to say the very least.

But by the same token, the days also brings a major hurdle overcome, or even a bright gift from the universe. Our trip home brought such a gift.

We were road weary and haggard around the thousand island area, as there was a tonne of holiday traffic. Two seconds before the Gananoque exit so we decided to take a little detour and see the water, get a bite to eat and take a break from the madness.

We stumbled upon a sweet inn on the water, just what the doctor ordered. After taking a moment to smell the roses and gaze over the lake, we went in and made a bee line to a lovely table by the window.  Just as we sat down, deb’s eyes widened and she said “I can’t believe it”.

There at the next table to us, sitting there looking like visions of lovelyness were jannie and  and her girl karen (karen who created our great cartoon). It was an amazing co-incidence, co-incidence doesn’t even come close to describing. 

They had actually planned a little overnight get away (well it was suppose to be a romantic get away till we crashed it). It was a true gift, as i was  just thinking along the route that it’s pretty likely i won’t actually get to Ottawa for any long goodbyes.

We had a lovely visit over supper and were on our merry way back to montreal, glowing with the good fortune!

It’s official… today my #1 son moved out. It’s such a bitter sweet feeling. 27 years with such an amazing person to share my life with. Now he’s moving onto his own life and times… and me mine.

The past three years here in this house have been amazing. We’ve lived as three adults, separate lives, no parenting/child dynamic… all the while making a home and family in it.

He is my mystery one, don’t always manage to communicate well with him, don’t always rise up to his expectations.. but somehow it’s ok. I love him to his core, and know that he loves me…He’s my first born… nuf said

As we’ve gone through the past few months (since i broke the news that we are selling the house and running away from home), i’ve seen a big change. I can see he needed that push out to move onto stage 2 of life. As hard as it is to watch him pack and leave, i can totally see that it’s time.

of course i had to do a final motherly move and hide his Easter chocolate in the last load of his stuff… just hope his new room mate won’t tease him too much!

My biggest fear in all of it is how we are going to be able to retain and grow our relationship… but i know that’s just fear. The reality is, it’ll take effort and commitment but it’ll happen… or so i can hope.

For now i grieve a little, and feel sad that the era is done.

Haven’t been posting much, life is pretty hectic at the moment. Miss lazy sundays lounging in bed with my girl. Not a lot of time for mulling and pondering, just doing!

It’s been an interesting time, the contrasts are huge. A thousand details to take care of in order to divest ourselves of this life we lead. It’s amazing how much of an army it takes just to live. I really thought my life was simple. Little house, two grown boys who do their own thing, a sole person business out of my home… what could be simplier?

HA Instead there’s a big reality check happening, and am realizing that there’s a long way to go to that simple life! I do embrace and look forward to it. There’s a huge sense of freedom and relief that i imagine i will feel…as i’m feeling it already.

So to the right is what we are taking (minus the chair, plus a dog missing in the picture). That’s it, life whittled down to 10 or so bins. It’s going to be an interesting test in kim’s lifelong nature of keeping stuff. I look forward to the challenge! (i think!).

The process has brought to light something of interest. Previous to this i was not only the keeper of my precious stuff, i was somehow the keeper of the family stuff (probably self appointed).

Through grandparents passing on, parents moving to the west indies, and me the most stable in terms of  owning home ground, i seemed to amass all of the family “stuff” as well. What’s been brought to light, is my brother has somehow taken on that role, and is now i think officially the family keeper of stuff. WOW!

What’s also come to light is i can step away from the “responsible one” roll in said family. Who knew i could do that? I’m actually leaving town a few weeks before my mother has hip replacement surgery… guilt free. (Well as guilt free as kimi gets).

Not that i didn’ t have many moments of angst about  it. But i talked to my mother, then my sister called… she’s going to come down, and also my brother/wife are convincing me he and family will rally…. and i’m actually imagining that that’s ok.

SO i head off into the sunset guilt free…. WOW again. Maybe i’m just overwhelmed with all that’s going on, maybe i’ve lost my mind temporarily, maybe i’ll get an aftershock, or maybe just maybe.. pigs fly?