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Haven’t been posting much, life is pretty hectic at the moment. Miss lazy sundays lounging in bed with my girl. Not a lot of time for mulling and pondering, just doing!

It’s been an interesting time, the contrasts are huge. A thousand details to take care of in order to divest ourselves of this life we lead. It’s amazing how much of an army it takes just to live. I really thought my life was simple. Little house, two grown boys who do their own thing, a sole person business out of my home… what could be simplier?

HA Instead there’s a big reality check happening, and am realizing that there’s a long way to go to that simple life! I do embrace and look forward to it. There’s a huge sense of freedom and relief that i imagine i will feel…as i’m feeling it already.

So to the right is what we are taking (minus the chair, plus a dog missing in the picture). That’s it, life whittled down to 10 or so bins. It’s going to be an interesting test in kim’s lifelong nature of keeping stuff. I look forward to the challenge! (i think!).

The process has brought to light something of interest. Previous to this i was not only the keeper of my precious stuff, i was somehow the keeper of the family stuff (probably self appointed).

Through grandparents passing on, parents moving to the west indies, and me the most stable in terms of  owning home ground, i seemed to amass all of the family “stuff” as well. What’s been brought to light, is my brother has somehow taken on that role, and is now i think officially the family keeper of stuff. WOW!

What’s also come to light is i can step away from the “responsible one” roll in said family. Who knew i could do that? I’m actually leaving town a few weeks before my mother has hip replacement surgery… guilt free. (Well as guilt free as kimi gets).

Not that i didn’ t have many moments of angst about  it. But i talked to my mother, then my sister called… she’s going to come down, and also my brother/wife are convincing me he and family will rally…. and i’m actually imagining that that’s ok.

SO i head off into the sunset guilt free…. WOW again. Maybe i’m just overwhelmed with all that’s going on, maybe i’ve lost my mind temporarily, maybe i’ll get an aftershock, or maybe just maybe.. pigs fly?

Time seems to suddenly ground to a halt from warp speed.  Though we still have lots to do, somehow april 25th seems to have gotten so very far away.

Now that the days are warmer, and the sun has some heat, i find myself drawn to hang out in the airstream in the late afternoons just to remind myself and to dream a bit.

I sit there with the sun streaming in and imagine myself already underway. I look forward to so much of what’s to come… Adventures, an unstructured life, time with deb, time to play, a pared down and simple life. It’s still amazing to me that this is all happening.

Gratitude doesn’t even come close to what i feel these days about this once in a life time opportunity.

The days are busy with all that needs doing to be able to go off on our adventure. It’s this odd combination of life as usual, excitement and anticipation for what’s to come… and a whole other piece which still feels like jumping off a cliff.

One of the things that’s keeping me in cliff diving mode is around my earthly possessions.  For those who don’t know me, i’m a tad attached to my things. Not in the tv, stereo, microwave kind of stuff. More in the artifacts collected on a beach, bricks from the base of a french fort, bags of sand from beaches i’ve been, things my kids made me… you know the STUFF of life.

Packing this time around means every thing i own, needs a judgment call on it.  Do we keep it and store it? do we need it with us? do the boys need it? do we get rid of it???  Which for the most part feels very freeing, but other times there’s a nagging sensation that i’m going to regret some decisions in my practical haste! Or that i’m going to miss it being around me. I farmed out a bunch of my favorite art pieces over the weekend and felt a small pang on leaving them behind.

The upside is obvious, and i’m still very much in that mode. The upside to letting go of possessions is each thing that goes in a box, each thing that gets crossed off the list is another step closer to taking off with my girl in our little coocoon to parts and adventures unknown. 

And right now, the beauty of the great unknow is magical. No solid plan, no set frame of how it will look is an amazing gift.

Have been wanting to post my rose quartz story for awhile, but so much else has been going on of late, i’ve been remiss.

Awhile ago, i posted a story about my friend C, giving me a touchstone and the subsequent impact. Initially she had told me that the stone was one that was suppose to allow you to let go, for me that was certianly the result.

Since then i learned that the rose quartz is the stone that represents love. 

My stone had a big crack in it, so one weekend oh so long ago  C was coming up for the weekend, and asked what she could bring. I told her about my stone, and wondered if she could bring me a new one.

She did bring me a new one,  but forgot it in her bag and went home with it. That same weekend the seed was planted for her and she  fell in love with a friend of mine, R.  Superstitious i am not, but i am convinced it was the touch stone’s effect.

It was weeks later that she gave it to me, it was a lovely one shaped into a heart. I brought it with me on my trip with all the girls to PTown. Didn’t really think of it until the end of the trip, when one night i did put it under my pillow. The next day the earth shifted on my love axis.

so run, don’t walk to get yourself a lovely rose quartz and let me know what happens to you!

The house sold last night, so the reality of running away from home on our airstream adventure is sure hitting me now.

Equal parts of fear and excitement

We have no idea what it will be like, where we will go… just going to trust that whatever comes our way will be fun, exciting and learning experiences.

As soon as we heard the news that the offer was accepted, i had the sensation of  jumping off a cliff. The reality of what we are doing hit as it’s really here. Here sooner than expected, and so much to do in order to make it happen still. There’s a sureal feeling to it all!

I finally talked to my mother about it, it went as expected. It was her 80th birthday, so i tried to not let the annoyance show in my voice! It went something like this:

Her: I was suprised when DYLAN told me about what’s going on. (note the emphasis on that i didn’t tell her)

Me: react, react… try not to show it, mumble mumble

Her: At first i was suprised, but then i remembered WE ABANDONED YOU when we were 50 (read you are abandoning the boys into that)

Me: react, react… try not to show it, mumble mumble

Well at least that’s over with! It’s amazing how a few well placed words can trigger the heck out of me when they come out of mommy’s mouth.

Thank you Robin for the Freedom to Marry effort, it’s been a great muse to write and reflect. Hopefully it’s a step in a global effort to change the laws in the US.

Today’s post is short and sweet, more visual than anything. I had my lovely and talented friend Karen create a cartoon for my girl as one of her valentine presents.

It’s a visual representation of a journey we are going to embark on this spring/summer, we call it Airstream Dreaming. Tis a story of love, and wanting to build a life together, that has a vision… and vision it does. With 4 grown up children between us, it’s our time. We are officially running away from home, in a 1974 airstream trailer, with out two dogs.

Today the house went on the market www.129jasper.com, openhouse tomorrow. Tired, exhausted, we’ll likely spend our valentines day crashed/cuddled on the couch with a good movie, glass o wine and supper.

I painted a mixed media piece called “Blue Light“.  Copper foil, beads, raw canvas, acrylic and cheese cloth, it was a reflection on my favorite parts of the day.

Just before the sun goes completely down, and just before it comes up in the morning, it has a special blue glow. When i am able to witness it, it is magical.

One night 5 months and 13 days ago, i slept out all night on a beach in PTown with a friend. We watched the blue light together. The earth shifted on it’s axis that night for both of us. There were no words spoken, no acknowledgment of it till later… this a poem i wrote about it.

as i lay under the
star flecked sky
the ocean as my
horizon
beside you
arms around you
i breathed it in
deeply
to the core of me
an amazing
sensation of
being suspended
in time, and space
grounded by
your breath
hot on my back
your arms
holding me
close

in this sea cocoon
time stood still

i once borrowed a dog from a women my girlfriend and i met at a bar.

she and my girl ended up together, i kept the dog.

14 years later, i still got the dog…

which as it turns out, was the best end of the deal… despite the fact that he’s neurotic, gaseous, and now deaf.

the end

 (nh.. if you are reading this, you know i’m joking, and you know i love you .. and you know murphy isn’t the best end of the deal really!)

Second in my series of posts for the freedom to marry effort (check it out and join in).

Though we are officially 5 months and 11 days old, in the grand scheme of things… this love is new.

If i can segway to yesterdays post… i am amazed at how good parts of my old have impacted this new. Wisdom, knowing and patience have helped me get to this place in my life that has left me open to loving this particular woman, at this particular time.

Sometimes when things happen to me, i wonder why. Wonder what i have to learn, what is the purpose. The end of a relationships, moving to montreal, 3 years of single hood all seemed logical steps at the time away from something. But who knew they were steps in a journey towards this place in time?

And though our love is new, it feels old, as it is deep and strong and has already taken us both places never been.

I look forward to the future and what it might bring with this new love.

What came immediately to mind when i thought of what i’d write for the first post for the freedom to marry effort was ME. After all, it is about something old!

I know, i know, 52 may seem young to some, but to me tis an age that i still struggle to get my head around. Most of the time, and most of my life, i’ve never really focused on my age. I feel as i’ve always felt… just me.

Ever since i hit my 50’s that number has somehow loomed large. The face that looks back at me in a mirror, or in a photo, somehow is very disconnected to who i envision myself to be. As i careen towards 53, i am getting closer to that acceptance. Still not happy with the sagging flesh, but happier in my skin, and more appreciative of all the good that comes with middle age.

Wisdom, a knowing, patience, experience to name a few.

Being a canadian, having the right to marry my partner if i so choose.  So, if i can give a little advice from the vantage point of OLD AGE.. know it will happen, know change is in the air, and know all your efforts will make this happen.

I applaud the efforts everyone is making to force that change to happen. And though this effort of mine is small, i know that every little bit helps.